Angry at God, Angry at Humanity.

Ya know they tell you that it is a sin to be angry at God. And I don't know about you but I have pretended not to be. I have pretended that I didn't resent that he didn't step into a situation. 

I have this thing that I do when I am struggling with a temptation or a nightmare or really anything. I will go to the foot of the cross in my mind and look at Jesus feet. Most of the time that is enough for me to get the perspective I need or to calm down. But I had a situation that was months in the making and was really driving me to the end of my self and I did not see God in it. I was angry at God, and in my mind, I went to the cross, thinking that was going to fix it. And instead I was extra angry. In my mind I took hold of the base of that cross with my hands and shook it, while I screamed, "get down off that cross and help me!"

I sobbed and eventually fell asleep...angry. The next morning, I felt like Jesus speaking behind me, "I am off the cross. As a matter of fact, I even rose from the dead. You just think I'm not present with you." Shit, I hate when I am so obviously that wrong. BUT I'M STILL ANGRY. 

At some point it was pointed out to me that David wasn't the friend of God because he was good, but because even in his sin, he did not hide from God, he wanted to be face to face with God. He still chose God even when he failed. At some point I committed that no matter how bad I failed, I would not hide from God, that leads to some pretty ugly authentic conversations some times... for instance, “I need you, where are you? You are supposed to fend for me! I don't have any more energy for the path you are taking me on. I am ready to die and you just keep pushing. Show me a way out!”

Yea, angry at God is real and the pretty righteous people are going to judge but let's be real here, you have been angry at God too.

Oh and I'm not the only one, the Bible is chalk full of people angry at God. Job was angry at God, He did not curse God or give up on God but if you don't think it is anger when a man says to God, "FACE ME LIKE A MAN!" you are blind. How about Naomi when she changed her name to Mara, saying "God has filled my life with bitterness."

God already knows your angry. You trying to be righteous and pretending you are not adds lying to the angry. Don't hide from God, he already knows. IS he really so small that he cannot hear the full spectrum of our emotions? He made us, he created us, he made emotions, he know that they would be used on him. What he wants is that in the hurt, grief, confusion, resentment, anger, that you do not hide yourself from Him. God would rather heal your heart than you pretend you are righteous, when you are really not. This is not a fake it till you make it space.

I knew a gal, she had been told she would never have children. She tried everything to have a baby. She miscarried 3 times. Each time the pregnancy lasted a little bit longer but on the 4th she had a baby, but by the time she had a child she was bitter to God and could not accept that baby 4 was a gift from God. The hatred she had to other women that could have a baby and the resentment she had for God, turned her away from many people in her life that loved her. She could not look upon their joy. 

Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy. God came to bring life everlasting. But in this world there will be broken bones and broken hearts, because our hope is not in this world. The phrase, "they restored my hope in humanity" is a true reflection that we have so little hope in humanity left because humanity is clustered up. 

On the cross, Jesus says,  "father forgive them, they know not what they do." Oh to be sure there were some people there that had every intention of killing him, they knew what they were doing in that respect, but they really did not understand all the ramifications of what they were doing. We see what people do and what the outcome is but we almost never see their intention. We want to be judged based on our intentions but we do not judge others on their intentions. 

We do not see all the ramifications of all the twists and turns that God is intervening in. Likewise, we do not see all the inter workings of a person's mind when they are the cause of our pain. But we do have a high priest in Heaven that has been through every betrayal and heartbreak. 

We need to not hide our angry or make excuses for our angry with other people from God also. One person I know has every reason in the world to be angry with so and so or who from what and they can always find a new reason but Then they are in awe of the missionaries that loose every thing and keep pursuing God. 

It is hard to keep your eyes on God in good times. It is harder still to keep you attention on God when your community does you wrong. But wait for him to come get you. Tell him you are angry but take that angry to Him and not to others. Don't loose your soul because of your anger, wait for him to come get you. 

Anger hunts. If you do not actively choose to surrender your right to win, or be correct, or vengeance or have your expectations met, you will only live in a state of anger. Anger will grow and alienate you from everyone around you. 

It is better to not hide your anger from God, so that he can heal your heart.